Having never tried Japanese rope bondage, I wasn’t sure what to expect when I asked someone whose profile I just stumbled across on joyclub. The only thing I knew, was that I wanted to try how it feels to be tied up. But beyond that, the exact technique was somewhat of a mystery. It was hard not to feel nervous, but after the first explanations from my rigger (the person who actually does the knotwork), I was hooked and couldn´t wait to be unable to move.
What is Shibari?
There are many kinds of rope bondage techniques, but shibari is by far one of my favorites. The word itself translates to “to tie” in Japanese, which makes sense considering that these knots were originally designed to bind captives together. Today, they are often used as an art form (the intricate patterns really take my breath away), but they still serve their original purpose as well; erotic-bondage fans use them regularly.
While the term shibari is most often used for all bondages with ropes, there is a difference between shibari and kinbaku. Shibari focuses more on the knotwork itself, kinbaku, on the other hand, takes the sensual, more emotional aspect of bondage into account.
Finding a rigger
I searched far and wide until I found my rigger. It was not just that I specifically looked for someone who identified as female, I also lived pretty much in the countryside and options are a bit limited. Besides that, I wanted to feel safe and needed time to understand and experience being wrapped in rope for the first time. Of course, I hoped that it would not be a one-time experience if everything went well.
More by chance, I stumbled across this one profile on joyclub, that was written in a friendly way, the person seemed to know a bit about shibari and she was looking for someone who could show her some tantric rituals. As I gave tantric massages at that time, it looked like a pretty good match.
We exchanged a few messages and decided to meet for a walk in the park and coffee. She brought her ropes, and held them under my nose to smell the jute. We talked a bit about this and that, but all I could think of was how badly I wanted to feel the ropes on my skin finally.
Safety first
Safety is a concern for any activity that involves ropes and someone’s body. In shibari, you need to make sure you know how to do basic first aid, but also risk awareness kink (i.e., bondage aftercare). It’s important to not only understand what positions will put pressure on your partner’s neck or back, but also how much force you need in order to move your partner around.
The rigger for my very first shibari experience explained the basics to me, showed me the knife she always keeps around in case of an emergency, how I can show my comfort level, and made sure I understood everything.
The experience
While she explained some more things, she told me to put out my arms. She wrapped the rope around my arms, making me feel how tight she could pull the rope without interrupting my blood supply. She continued to tie my underarms and moved them by pulling on the end of the rope. Within the blink of an eye, my arms were behind my head and I felt intensely vulnerable in an instant.
But this was only a very short demonstration of what shibari can do to you. While she slowly loosened the rope, it touched my shoulder, my collarbone and she let it slip around my neck. Being freed from the tight bondage was somehow even more intense than being tied up. It is still incredibly hard to describe all the sensations I have felt at that moment, but I immediately knew that I wanted more of it.
We did a few more sessions, and each time got more and more intense. I was hooked, and since then there is hardly a chance of getting tied up that I would let pass. Trust and feeling safe still are my requirements, but other than that, I can let go of all my thoughts as soon as the jute or hemp touches my skin.
Aftercare and healing
Grounding after a good shibari session is the most important part of it. Not only should your rigger make sure that you are not hurt during the session, but also make sure that you slowly get out of your bondage. After being deprived of your ability to move your arms or legs for an hour or two, you can not just stand up and walk home. Your body needs time to adjust again, and your mind might still be in the session and not in reality.
Snuggling with your partner helps. Being held and hearing positive affirmations can even lift you up in a way that you have not yet experienced. For other people, falling asleep after a good session is the best way to unwind and process.
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