When you think of BDSM and you’re likely to imagine people engaging in wild, kinky sex — after all, what else would the acronym stand for? However, many people involved in BDSM find that it has little or nothing to do with sex at all.
Every person has a unique sexual identity. For many people, it can be challenging to figure out what exactly works for them. While there are labels for many kinds of sexual identities, it is not uncommon for people to explore and discover they may identify with more than one or none at all. I’ve always felt discomfort when it comes to the idea of random hookups. I associate that discomfort with being sexually molested at a young age and not wanting to share myself on an intimate level with just anyone. I grew up in the Bible Belt of the south in the States where I secretly made out with girls and pretended to be into boys, but those experiences were few and far between. I followed the expected rules for a “good Christian” family from the south, and I married into a heterosexual relationship where my husband later explained to me he needed to start hormone therapy. For 5 years, I experienced living in the shadows as a queer family, what it was like …
