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How I Found My Sexual Identity as a Demisexual Domme

Every person has a unique sexual identity. For many people, it can be challenging to figure out what exactly works for them. While there are labels for many kinds of sexual identities, it is not uncommon for people to explore and discover they may identify with more than one or none at all.

I’ve always felt discomfort when it comes to the idea of random hookups. I associate that discomfort with being sexually molested at a young age and not wanting to share myself on an intimate level with just anyone. I grew up in the Bible Belt of the south in the States where I secretly made out with girls and pretended to be into boys, but those experiences were few and far between.

I followed the expected rules for a “good Christian” family from the south, and I married into a heterosexual relationship where my husband later explained to me he needed to start hormone therapy.

For 5 years, I experienced living in the shadows as a queer family, what it was like to finally have to come out to my family and friends, and I really explored my own sexual identity and sexual preferences.

Why Demisexual?

Demisexual people tend to identify as so because they are not typically attracted to the physical attributes of a person, rather they feel sexual attraction when there is a deep emotional connection that has been well established.

For me, demisexuality works because it’s a sexuality that doesn’t completely identify with sexual orientation. While I do identify as queer, I am attracted to deep emotional connections where I can really explore and push the limits with my partner in a very safe and intimate setting without having to worry about gender or sexual norms.

While I am in a very happy and healthy queer relationship, the reason it really works for me is because of my emotional connection to my partner. When we are together the world stops and nothing else matters. Once very hard to achieve with another person, now my orgasms take me to another place where the energy exchange between my partner intensifies with each touch.

Being a Demisexual Dom

Honestly, demisexual or not, I have a dominant personality in the bedroom. However, the emotional connection with my girlfriend made it so easy and natural to really explore my dominant side in a way I had never really been able to before. Our sessions are healing on so many levels for me.

Her complete trust and honesty with me make communication and exploration way more fun and easy. But, what really takes it to the next level is our deep emotional connection… leaving me thirsty for more.

I am thankful for the journey to finding my sexual identity. While it hasn’t always been easy, I am more confident and unashamed of who I am.

Cherie Adele