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Published on June 28, 2022
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4 Tips for Loving Your Body and Building Self-Esteem

written by Cherie Adele

Everyone has insecurities. It’s one of the unfortunate facts of life that we all have to deal with to some degree. Maybe you feel too fat or skinny, too tall or short, too hairy or not enough hair, too feminine or masculine, your butt is too big or too small, your boobs are too small or not perky enough—maybe you have scars, stretch marks, cellulite, or a physical disability. We promise you are not alone.

Insecurities can be especially hard to deal with when it comes to feeling confident in the BDSM world where we typically engage in raw and vulnerable moments with minimal to no clothing on—especially when we are in public or sharing photos online.

Here are four steps to get you started towards greater self-love and acceptance when it comes to enjoying the kink scene and feeling confident in going out and enjoying yourself to the fullest.

Avoid comparing
If you want to feel more attractive, try not to compare yourself to others. It can be really tempting when you see someone with a great body, especially if your own isn’t what you’d like it to be. We all have different things that make us attractive, so focus on your strengths rather than dwelling on your perceived weaknesses.

Over time, you will find more value in loving yourself and not caring as much about how others might perceive you when you stop looking to fit into the box that society says is sexy.

Visit a sex-positive event
The best thing I have really loved experiencing how liberating sex-positive kink culture is! Make sure you really focus on finding community with groups and events that really embrace sex and body positivity.

One of my favorite things I did early on in my journey was to visit a fetish event hosted by a sex-positive group on Joyclub. They focus on creating a space where people can explore their sexuality free from judgment, shame, and fear. Visiting an event like that really brought some serious weight off my shoulders (and my mind about all my curves and “imperfections”)! Meeting lots of different people of all types, shapes, and sizes who were also into similar kinks was really eye-opening for me.

You can read more about Everything You Need to Know About Your First Sex-Positive Party if you are unsure if it is something for you, or what it might be like to attend one of these ravishingly fun events!

Shop for quality clothing
Being body positive means that you accept your body as it is and celebrate what you can do with it. Investing in clothes that fit your body can be expensive, but buying clothes that make you feel great is worth every penny.

Getting to wear clothes that make you feel sexy allows you to open up about your kinks, fetishes, and other sexual interests with potential partners because your confidence makes them more attractive too. There are places that specialize in custom-fit fetish and kink wear, but if that is not in your budget we recommend visiting nicer shops like the Boutique Bizzare in Hamburg with a wider selection of nicer clothes that you can try on. Look for somewhere you feel comfortable and the staff is nice—these places are more likely to help you find the right clothing.

Intimate photos
It may seem like a strange fit, but BDSM can improve your body image by encouraging you to explore your sexual desires. By creating a safe space in which to talk about your fantasies and pleasure thresholds with a partner or online community, you can learn more about what truly turns you on and makes you shine like a diamond with radiating self-confidence.

Try sharing intimate photos (without your face if you are more private) that can bring you pleasure while building self-esteem with people who are into the sex-positive philosophy of BDSM. This element of trust can also serve as an excellent foundation for future relationships, whether they’re sexual or platonic.

Cherie Adele
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