When you think of BDSM and you’re likely to imagine people engaging in wild, kinky sex — after all, what else would the acronym stand for? However, many people involved in BDSM find that it has little or nothing to do with sex at all.
In fact, some people who engage in BDSM are actually asexual, meaning they experience little or no sexual attraction to others — despite the fact that they might still be very interested in having fulfilling romantic relationships that explore pleasures found in the BDSM world. For some, it might be the act of being tied up for a nice shibari session or exploring impact play.
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction to others. Aces (the term used for those who identify as asexual) can experience other forms of attraction, such as aesthetic, romantic, or sensual attraction. Though they experience little to no sexual attraction, Aces can still engage in sexual activity for a variety of reasons, including pleasure, intimacy, or reproduction.
Does this mean they don’t want to have sex?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, like heterosexuality or homosexuality, which means that someone does not experience sexual attraction. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want to have sex, but for them, the desire isn’t there. In the BDSM community, there are plenty of asexual people who still enjoy kinky play. For them, it’s about the power dynamics and the sensation play, not about sex.
So, how do they do kink?
Asexual BDSM is about so much more than just sex. In fact, sometimes it’s not even about sex at all! It’s about exploring your kinks and fetishes in a safe, consensual way with a partner who shares your interests. Whether you’re into bondage, role-playing, or any other kind of kink, you can find a way to enjoy it without involving sex. And that’s what makes asexual BDSM so great — it’s possible for everyone with an open mind and a curiosity to explore!
Asexuality is often seen as incompatible with kink, but that’s not necessarily the case. Asexual BDSM is about finding pleasure in alternative ways. It’s about exploring your boundaries, expanding your horizons, and pushing yourself in new and exciting ways. Whether you’re asexual or not, BDSM can be a fun and rewarding experience.
Cherie is a stray children's librarian turned rogue.
Now she spends her days writing and exploring sex-positive, queer, and kink topics with her girlfriend.
You might find her covered in paint, laughing, or dancing in the rain.
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